For Adults with ADHD
Past Letters #3
Letter from the ADD Adult Support Group Leader:
October 20, 2003
ADD Adults and Adult Support Group Members,
Well I feel a bit tardy getting this letter written to you. Which I suppose is part of the journey of having ADD.
I think, however, that this points to our greatest strength as adults with ADD. Many people manage to go through their life, maintaining all of the things we as a society fill our time up with. But I think ADD people, at a much earlier point in life, learn something because at times we have not been able to maintain the frantic pace that other people often do. And although some of these times, when we have dropped a ball or arrived late somewhere, have seemed like failure to us, we don't often look at the gifts of these experiences, or our strength as people with ADD. I think we have been brought by our ADD to be much more mindful of maintaining balance in our life.I met someone the other day who is "handicapped." And we were discussing how her "disability" has brought her into being much more aware of that fact that she has to choose what is most important to her. She knows she cannot do everything. We discussed how other people are sometimes "handicapped" with the idea that the CAN do everything, or that they should do everything. And I think the same applies to people who have ADD. Even though many of us still have a bit further to go to learn to say no to things, and to limit ourselves from doing everything. We are actually much more skilled at this than we realize. We know how to say to ourselves, 'Well that didn't go the way I planned, but it isn't the end of the world.'
We are also made compassionate by what we have struggled with in the past. I have yet to meet a person with ADD who did not have compassion and understanding for someone who considers themselves a failure. In our support group meetings I have seen each of us give each other complete acceptance. The ADD people I have known have all seemed extremely gifted in being able to accept another person AS they ARE.If we could just more frequently apply these gift of accepting to ourselves! I think we just need to remember that forgiving ourselves is not act of letting ourselves off the hook, it is in fact the best way to work with ADD. Because each time you take it easy on yourself, it makes it easier to try a new way next time, and therefore is the best way for us for us to achieve the great successes we all dream of.
My best wishes for you in the journey.
Sincerely,
Lauren Torres
Adult Support Group Leader
